Boise

Do you remember I mentioned an interview a while back? Well, I got the job. They said it was because I was clean-shaven.

For those of you struggling with your weight, I know how you feel.
I weigh less then I ever have in my life. When I was born, I weighed a little over 7 pounds. Now I am just over six. I am exaggerating slightly for effect. Either the scale in the locker room is wrong or I weigh less than I did when I graduated from high school – and that was in the eighties. We were all pretty big then, spending all that extra money we had courtesy of Reaganomics on rich, high-fat foods.

Migraine?

I think I had one all night last night. I suppose saying, “I think I had a migraine,” is something like saying, “I think I had an orgasm,” you'd know it if you had one. But last night I had a strange visual presence occupying my peripheral vision. It actually scared me so I went right to bed. I slowly became aware, in my half sleep, of a headache developing. It was going strong by morning and only started to let up after my morning ablution.

Stuff

Someday soon I would like to take all my possessions and drive them to a central location, perhaps an airplane hanger in Wendover, Utah. And then I would like to spread the items out and commence to categorize them into “Must Keep,” “Want,” “Should Keep,” “Donate,” “Dispose.” If I am missing a category let me know. That is my idea of a good time. This undertaking would require the renting or barrowing of a large vehicle of trailer to fit my considerable belongings. It would also require picking stuff up from the East coast, the Midwest and the West coast. A partial list of the stuff includes: clothes, blankets (or blanket), dishes, letters, bits of paper, iPod, laptop, pencils, pens, inkpads, rubber stamps, change (pennies, nickels, dimes and so forth), some foreign money, passport, drivers license, fishing license, school ID cards, year books, shoes, books, a chair, sleeping bag, tent, camping stoves, oil, bicycles, bird nests, three or four hummingbirds, a Scarlet tanager, a bat, a cat head, a Barred owl, some carpet squares, (there is a woman sitting on the floor who appears to be drawing my portrait), two watches, records, CDs, two battery operated record players, two record players that do not take batteries, cameras, negatives, binders, slides, super 8 projector, regular 8 projectors, rocks, minerals, skulls of unknown small mammals, fingernail clippers, fireworks, ice skates, (I think the woman really is drawing a picture of me), phone charger, cell phone, rice cooker, steak knives, egg slicer, potato ricer, pocket knife, .22 rifle, sunglasses, fishing rods, reels, lures, hooks, weights, flies, measuring tape, two hammers, hex wrenches, receipts, three cowboy hats, bike helmet, three belts, two bags of sand, a pickup truck, Marshall Oils, grooming kit, two tooth brushes, magazines, three bike pumps, an old tube radio with phonograph, skateboard, photographs, slide viewer, light-box, rocks, minerals, three backpacks, a canvas bag with shoulder strap.

Library

Whispering may be more distracting that talking out loud.

Idaho

New York

Art is where you find it. Or is it?

Hair and Hares

My barber, Lori, told me not to towel-dry my hair. She told me to imagine each hair as a segmented toy snake and that the hairs get damaged when tousled by the towel. It’s best to pat my hair dry. *I’ve been towel drying my hair for years, apparently causing “frayed” ends and breaking my hair. Lori also told me where to start shaving my neck in relationship to my beard (two fingers width below the jaw-line). I do not have a beard at the moment but it will come in handy when I do.
Lori told me one of her customers brought her two snowshoe hares that she is going to make fricassee out of this week. She showed me a foot from one of the hares. It was about the size of a baby's hand - a 2 year old baby.

The Votes are In

and most of you voted for handlebar moustache!

Please Advise

I have an important interview next week. My question is, should I keep the beard or shave?

Winter

Pros and cons of living in Milwaukee in the winter. The pros are mixed in the same list with the cons because one man’s pro is another man’s con.

Dull-yellow dog pee frozen in its tracks on the sidewalk before it can reach the gutter.

My feet are cold.

The steering fluid in my truck feels as thick as a Culver’s milkshake. If Culver’s shakes aren’t thick than replace with thicker Wisconsin based milkshake.

At the end of a party, when it is time to throw the ice from the cooler into the ally, the ice stays put. Eventually it will be dyed yellow by passing drunks and dogs.

Polka Music.

My nose hairs freeze several times a day.

My feet are cold.

Friday night fish fry.

Taffy

By Alice Shaw

Onramp

In Chicago there are onramps that lead you onto the left lane of the expressway. So you have to go fast. A few days ago Luke and I were getting on the expressway and were flagged down by a woman who had stopped her car on the onramp. She looked desperate. I assumed it was a scam. I had read once that an effective tool of negotiation (or sales) was to do so when the other person was under time pressure. What better way to put someone under time pressure than to cause said person to block an onramp in Chicago? So I drove passed her. I felt bad in case she was really in some kind of trouble. She had an accomplice I mean partner waiting safely in the driver’s seat.
A few moments ago Luke called to tell me they were doing it again. This time someone stopped for them causing Luke to back up the onramp and enter elsewhere. So either it was a scam or this couple runs out of gas (or something) on that same on ramp once a week.

I forgot to write this last week...

Finally the war is starting to yield results. I just paid $1.95 for gas!

But that was last week. Gas went back up so maybe the war was not such a good idea.

Politics

Did you hear Libby Lewis reporting on the Lewis Libby trial on NPR this morning? I guess she was the obvious choice.

Libby Lewis quoted bloggers during her report which made me think that if I were to write about the Lewis Libby trial, I would write about Libby Lewis and Lewis Libby (or vice versa) having names that are so similar that they are actually the same. Having done that, I will stop.

Age old question

How can Kraftwerk annoy so many people, while making me happy?

Another person I've been told I look like.

New Years Eve at Bob and Alice’s

I do not spend a lot of time in bars (ha, ha, LOL). But really, I do not spend much time in bars, nor do I use abbreviations such as LOL. December 31st was an exception. I spent a few hours at a neighborhood bar called Bob and Alice’s (with another Alice). When we walked into the bar, the clientele were counting down the New Year and yelling “Happy New Year,” and Auld Lang Syne was playing on the jukebox. It was 8:15 PM. I was, of course, wearing a tuxedo. Several men in the bar told me they appreciated my bringing class into the bar. One of the same men told me, at a distance of two or three inches, that “if anyone messes with the bartender they will end up in the trashcan.” Then he pointed to the biggest guy in the bar and said, “See that guy? He’s got me by 100 – 120 pounds, he may be able to knock me down but he will end up in the trashcan.” The entire time he talked to me I could feel the gentle mist of his spit as it landed on and around my lips. Once I felt a plop of spit land on my leg. Another man told me about deep-sea fishing with Earnest Borgnine and Lee Marvin. The premise of that story was that the two actors could drink a lot without appearing drunk, which was more than I could say about the people I met on New Years Eve.