Saturday, May 28, 2011

Don't Stand so Close to Me

While I was reading a magazine at a bookstore a middle aged (70ish) woman walked up and stood with her considerable bottom a few inches from my considerable nose. A conversation that I would not actually start went through my head. It started with, "Please don't fart, please don't fart, please don't fart." Then, in this silly fantasy, granny gave me a withering look. To which I replied, "Sorry, I just know it can be hard to hold your farts at your age." It was at about that time when the fantasy turned to reality. She farted. I thought I was mistaken until she farted again. She farted a third time and took her leave. I suppose the words, "be careful what you wish for or you might just get it," apply to this situation. Or maybe what my dad used to say would be even more applicable: "Be careful what you make up about a strange lady in a bookstore or she just might fart in your face."

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Free Bacon in Chicago

Today I was at the Whole Foods in Chicago - the big, new one behind Dick Blick near North Ave. I was buying ingredients for coq a vin. I asked the butcher for his most ethically produced bacon. He wrapped it up and asked, "Have you tried this?" "No," said I. "It's on the house." Later I was buying paper towels from a local paper towel vendor to dry the chicken with. He said, "It's a Memorial Day present." Maybe I should have test driven a car.

Monday, May 16, 2011


I've been following this car (the one with the green door) and taking its picture every minute or two.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


Driving South on Highway 101 a few miles south of the Oregon border my associates and I passed a jogger, also heading South. The jogger was dressed in white from head to toe. As a small black car attempted to pass us, the jogger jumped in front of the car and danced about making "funny" faces. The passing car could not swerve to avoid him without either hitting us or hitting him. At the last second the demented jogger jumped out of the way. I watched him continue to dance and bob and weave as he shrunk in the rear view mirror. The small black car pulled over and a gentleman of about 55 or older exited the driver's side. He was going to confront the maniac. For the next few miles I worried about the safety of the gentleman and his wife that he left in the car. By the way, the jogger was big and fit looking. The gentleman was neither.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Migration Frustration

It has recently been brought to my attention that my habit of moving out of my humble home every summer is noticed by people other than me. I do like the part about migrating to the Sierra Nevada via Chicago in the summer but I admit, moving all of my worldly possessions into storage every May and out of storage every August is inconvenient. Next year I am going to try to keep my home and offer it for a summer sublet. So next year when you are considering a home away from home, consider Boise.