The Phone

To my friends who called me from California: Sorry I was so - what is the word? - lame on the phone. Because I sounded destracted, Jason asked if I was surfing porn while we talked. No. I was looking at bike parts. I used to be famous for my unenthusiastic phone conversations. I have a letter that three friends wrote together re-enacting past phone calls. The letter is in the form of a cartoon. I do not remember what it said but it was something like:
He: “JON, OH MY GOD, GREAT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE?” HOW ARE YOU!,”
Me: “fine.”
(Pause while waiting for me to say more)
He: “oh, uh, GOOD. I HEARD YOU GOT IN TO GRAD SCHOOL, THAT’S AWSOME!”
Me: “yep.”
(Pause).
He: “SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?”
“nothing.”
“C’MON, SOMETHING MUST HAVE HAPPENED SINCE WE LAST TALKED.”
Me: “yea, you’d think so but I can’t think of anything at the moment.”
(Pause)
He: “I HEARD YOU RAN A MARATHON.”
Me: “yep.”
He: “That’s something.” (the enthusiasm has left his voice.)
Me: “yea.”
He: “Okay, talk to you later.”
Me: ”bye.”
We both hang up our phones.
He: Jesus. Now I'm depressed.
Me: "HEY, guess who called!?. . ."

But now I think you will find my phone conversations exciting and perhaps even titillating at times.